Here is part two of Michele's story……if you missed part one then please click here

I Used Padded Bras A lot

For a time I even wore extra thick padded bras just to keep them from showing through my tops. If the nipple lovers into ‘extremes’ had only known what I was hiding beneath my padded bras!

One day my friend and I were at her house and while in her room we were changing and getting ready to go to the beach. At the time I think we were both eighteen. I had confided in her with my feelings about my body meaning my ‘breasts’ and we felt comfortable with each other.

My Friends Reaction Was a Pleasant Surprise

Though until then she had never seen my nipples before at least not without anything on, and as we began talking about it she wanted to see them.

When I took off my top her jaw dropped and she was about beside herself with her response, saying “OMG”… “Those are so ‘hot’…!”  I guess it took me by surprise as her reaction was not at all the one I was expecting. She then added that I should be showing them off instead of hiding them.

It Got Me Thinking……

I started to re-think it all and with her encouragement I stifled all my negative feelings and began wearing clothes that didn’t hide them so much. My breasts were certainly perky enough (and still are) that I didn’t need to wear any kind of bra. Upon doing so I couldn’t help but notice the attention I was getting from men (as well as from a few women) and it wasn’t just ‘looking’, if you get my meaning. The stares were all about ‘lust’…!

I Admit I Enjoyed the Attention

I began to enjoy the attention I got and it wasn’t long before my friend and I were shopping for the skimpiest little tops that left little if anything to the imagination and leaving my erect nipples clearly if not ‘suggestively’ displayed.

It was almost refreshing in a way and in fact a bit liberating to find that I could easily wear some things without a bra that were quite revealing that other girls couldn’t and look good in them. I must admit that I was finding showing them off, and in such a ‘suggestive’ manner, rather exciting (‘tube tops’ are now my best friend…!).

You might say I came to be a bit of an exhibitionist with it all, which you may have already got is in reality probably a bit of my nature.

How It Developed As I Grew Older

With this being the case you could say I was rather fortunate in meeting my husband (we’re now eight years married). He’s not at all the jealous type and in fact is quite the opposite. Given my nature I hardly think I could be with someone that was insanely jealous and ‘controlling’. He not only embraces any exhibitionist tendencies I might have, he encourages them.

For part 3 of Michele's story click here now

Ladies it is that time of the year again the office Christmas party; it could be the ideal time to finally get to know Blake from accounting that little bit better. Well here are my seven Christmas party flirting tips to help you break the ice and get to know your guy a little better.

This post talks about the a works party but the advice also works for any party over the Christmas period in general or even when out with friends on a regular night out.

Christmas Party Flirting Tip #1- Be Pretty Direct

Look men aren’t always the greatest at reading body language at times. They can misinterpret signals you are sending out. You need to be clear so that he knows that you are interested in him.

Now I am not advocating you go over and give a guy a lap-dance or be overly sexual if you are looking for something more serious than a one-night stand. Be flirty in a fun way to strike up a conversation.

Christmas Party Flirting Tip #2 – Don’t Be Afraid To Stand Out

If you want to get a guy to come over and talk to you try wearing something a little different or have an accessory that makes it easy for a guy to comment on. Also be aware that many men are afraid of rejection so try and be approachable and make it easy for a prospective suitor to feel like he can talk to you.

Christmas Party Flirting Tip #3 – Be Happy

A good way to achieve flirting tip #2 is to have a ready smile. I don’t mean have a strained grin on you at all times. It is just people love being around positive and happy people as it makes them happier and more relaxed too. Before the office Christmas party make sure that you are in the right frame of mind for some fun flirting. When you feel good about yourself others will too.

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Christmas Party Flirting Tip #4 – Don’t Stay In Your Comfort Zone

What I mean about ladies is just don’t hang out with your friends at the party. I know it might be easier but guys find it harder to approach women when they are in a group as it can be quite intimidating. If you see that a guy is interested in you try separating yourself from the group so you are much more approachable.

Christmas Party Flirting Tip #5 – Be Polite Even If You Are Not Interested

Look a guy may feel vulnerable when they approach and if you instantly tell them to “get lost” or something similar it really could come back to haunt you. A bad rejection could end up with the guy bad mouthing you to colleagues and before you know it some people may think you are the “stuck-up office bitch”.

I know this is wrong but not all people deal with rejection well and if it is fairly public and involves alcohol well it could spell trouble. Just be polite and let them down gently. Just think about how you would like to be “politely told no thanks”.

Christmas Party Flirting Tip #6 – Let The Guy Talk

Look you might be a little nervous and just start to babble. Just take a deep breath and realize the guy maybe as nervous as you are. Ask him about himself and what he enjoys to find out a little about him as a person.

Look it is a fact people like to talk about themselves and it always makes them feel good if they believe someone is genuinely listening to them. It also gives you a better feel about the guy and even whether he is someone you may want to see outside the office.

Flirting Tip #7 – Don’t Be Afraid To Make The First Move Girls!

Look there is enough evidence out there that guys do like it when women approach them. If you find yourself attracted to a man don’t let the chance to pass you by. Just be fun, flirty and casually approach the man you are interested in and strike up a conversation.

Christmas Party Bonus Flirting Tip – Don’t Be A Try Hard

Never be someone you are not it is never going to end up with a great relationship. Ladies you have to relax, have some fun flirting and be proud of who you are……if you do this right then the rest will happen naturally.

Finally…..

Well it is all a bit of fun at the end of the day. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and let things happen naturally. Remember it is Christmas a time for cheer and frolicking.

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This is the second part of my article about talking how to yourself can be very good for you. To read the first part click here.

How Talking To Yourself Can Really Benefit Your Life…

When you catch yourself talking to yourself in a non-productive or negative way, put up a mental STOP sign and ask yourself, "Is there a better way for me to be thinking about this?" The writer Dr. Joseph Murphy says, "Never let yourself finish a negative thought…"

If you find yourself saying, "I hate this job," or "I just don't know what to do," more constructive statements might be, "This is a tough situation, but I can handle it, or "I don't know what to do NOW, but I'll figure out something."

If you wake in the morning and grumble to yourself, "It's going to be a lousy day," try getting out of bed, smile to yourself in the mirror (as hard as that may be first thing in the morning, and tell yourself, "I feel fantastic and this is going to be a spectacular day!"

Challenge your self-talk as it happens!

Plan Ahead

The next step is to anticipate situations that may produce negative self-talk.

Just as you take the time to script out what you are going to say on an important phone call or how you'll answers the tough questions during that vital job interview, take the time to write yourself a self-talk script for those difficult moments during your internal day. Identify the "trigger" situations in your life, situations that turn on the negative self-talk, and plan how you are going to react internally.

In emotional or stressful situations, when the "same old feelings" start bubbling up, put up your mental STOP sign, take a moment to breathe, and replace the negative thoughts with either positive statements, or at the least, neutral statements, such as, "I can think about this later."

Remember, you don't HAVE to react to the thoughts your mind presents you. It is a habit you can break with awareness. The moment you notice that it is just a THOUGHT and not a COMMAND you have a choice. You are in touch with your "observing self". That gap or moment of awareness allows you to notice the thought and CHOOSE to do what you have always done or CHOOSE to do something different.

Ask yourself, "Will I nurture my reaction, or choose my response?"

Speak In The Singular

When you talk to yourself, make it in first person singular, speak only in the present tense, and never let any doubt or qualification sneak into your inner conversation. Don't wish for things; don't anticipate change as some future event or your subconscious will accept a future date and will do nothing to effect that change now.

To change your behavior, identify the results you want and state them in the positive present. If you want to do a great job in that presentation an appropriate affirmation might be, "I'm calm and relaxed speaking in front of an audience." To improve your tennis game, don't focus on improving little things; see yourself as a finished product. "I'm relaxed and confident on the court, focused on the ball, and playing each point one point at a time."

Pay Attention

Pay attention to what you say to yourself, challenge your self-talk and see your future as an accomplished fact. Practice these things daily for two to three weeks and you will start to notice yourself making better choices in your self-talk. This will become a powerful force, when combined with action, to bring about the results you desire in your life.

Change the way you talk to yourself and you will change your actions and results. Confucius said, "The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large."

What Do You Think?

So there you go…..

Those I my thoughts I know not everybody will agree with me but I just write what I believe. I hope it might help people or help people see things in a different light. I also like to hear other people’s opinions as that way I learn too and can include that in future posts.

Please feel free to comment as ever.

Holly

Well I know I as a woman I have faked an orgasm. I reckon at some point in our lives most of us ladies have faked an orgasm. It is now believed that it is possible as many as one in three women is unable to achieve orgasm with their partner.

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I had an email from a lovely lady Rachael who was looking for some advice on how she could attain consistent orgasms from sexual experiences with her husband. She wrote:-

“When it comes to orgasms I have to use all my acting skills. I don’t try to be a porno star and overplay my hand. All I do is clench my muscles, hold my breath and quiver, then relax and smile”.

Yeh me too! I know exactly where Rachael is coming from and I expect that most of my readers have been in this position too. Rachael charade is not unusual. I have reported on this website surveys have shown that anywhere between 48 and 72 percent of women has faked orgasms. Rachael went on to explain in her email that in every other area of her relationship she was completely transparent with her husband.

I always advocate conversation between partners is paramount to a fulfilling sexual relationship and that Rachael in her lets say “performances” has in fact been lying to her husband. Yes it maybe shocking but it is true to say to perform in this way is to be deceitful to your husband or partner.

Now it is I guess OK to fake every now and again. Call them small white lies but if you are consistently faking an orgasm then I believe there is a problem. To fake when maybe you’re tired or just want to end sex and don’t want to let the partner down doesn’t harm the relationship.

The problem is habitual faking. I know when a women fakes an orgasm she is doing it for some one else. The thing is if you turn that on its head and think about it; then as a woman you are not faking an orgasm to make yourself happy. If you are faking all you are doing is smoothing over the cracks in your sexual life. In effect by faking you are just caressing the ego of a lover into thinking they are satisfying you sexually.

The reasoning behind why we fake it maybe due to our narrow view of sexuality and that the right way to have sex must end with a screaming orgasm. It is unsurprising that we’d rather fake than strive within restrictive parameters towards such an uncertain end.

It is habitual faking that is counter productive. It is when women who are faking all the time or very frequently because they feel under pressure to please a partner or because they themselves are reaching orgasm rarely or not at all. This situation is then made even worse because these women don’t know how to say what they want to improve things sexually.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

I believe women who habitually fake are probably suffering from low sexual self-esteem and have an eroded sense of entitlement to sexual gratification. These women don’t believe they can ask their partner to help them orgasm because they would feel greedy or selfish. This is true of many women; a woman could be a strident feminist in her professional life but a lot less confident sexually. They fake and lie because they don’t feel they can ask for what they want.

It is also true to say that men may fake too. Yes I have many men also visit my website and even though a man may ejaculate he may not orgasm. Ejaculation is the functional part of sex; the propulsion of seminal fluid. The orgasm is the climactic feeling in sex.

It doesn’t matter on the gender habitual faking as opposed to occasional faking is corrosive to emotional intimacy. If the faking continues it may lead to the person who has been faking becoming resentful to their partner. They may feel bad about themselves which in turn will put strain or bring conflict to the relationship.

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Remember to visit my site next week to get the next installment on faking orgasms and find out how to move past faking and have better sexual experiences.

The easiest way is to join my newsletter group if you haven't already simply fill the webform in below to get the latst updates.

Tags: sexual experiences, women faking orgasms, female orgasm, womens orgasm, faked an orgasm, sexual fanatazing

Dr. Alfred Kinsey was a noted researcher in sexual behaviour and had several books published including two books “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male” and “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female”.

In his studies Kinsey found that more men than women reported fantasizing about sex, though women were as afar from being asexual in mind as in deed. Kinsey was especially interested in fantasy during masturbation. He found that 89% of men who masturbated fantasized but only 64% of women did, and men did so much more regularly.

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I believe the figure would be much higher for women today just from my own experiences and through conversations with readers of my website. The figure will also be higher now because sexual fantasizing is considered normal and appropriate for both sexes. Plus anyone who knows me will attest that I truly believe that fantasizing is key to a healthily lifestyle and maximising the pleasure anyone can get from their own body.

To get further in to the fantasy topic it is interesting to note that although men still fantasize more during masturbation than women; there is evidence that women fantasize as much or even more than men during intercourse (I know I have had too when some uninspired man thinks he is making “sweet love” to me). I think the reason women probably fantasize more is because for most women the physical stimulation of intercourse isn’t enough t bring her to orgasm.

In today’s more sexual enlightened world writers, books and the media now even encourage women to use fantasy to enhance their sexual experiences. Many people (including some psychotherapists) presumed that women who fantasized during sex were neurotic, bored, unhappy or frustrated. The fact is E. Barbara Hariton during her studies in 1973 found no instance of emotional instability in these women. Instead they tended to be creative, nonconformist, sexually active and satisfied.

In their fantasies people of both sexes tend to imagine forbidden activities or partners but certain themes are more characteristic of one sex than of the other. Men are some what likelier than women to think about group sex, sex with a stranger, forcing women to have sex or overcoming a woman’s initial resistance. Women are somewhat likelier than men to think about romantic situations or being overpowered. Fantasies involving force by the way usually don’t include physical violence or psychological degradation and therefore should not be considered rape fantasies.

For both men and women fantasies are a way of mentally role-playing certain cultural erotic roles or of experiencing a side of oneself that they cannot or would not want to be expressed in real life. Undeniably most fantasies have little to do with reality. For example Hariton found that those women who fantasised about being dominated sexually are most often in their real lives professionally successful people.

In conclusion sexual fantasies are normal among the majority of both men and women in self pleasure and intercourse situations. It is fun and can en-heighten any sexual situation. I even sometimes find it fun and great foreplay to get a partner to talk to me about their sexual fantasises and who knows that discussion could lead to some exciting new sexual experiences that you never ever dreamed of.

As far as I am concerned I conclude –

“Just let you mind wander and then your hands”

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If you feel you may need to talk to some one then feel free to contact me. I will try and help in anyway that I can.

Love

Holly

If you want to improve your body image and feel happier and more satisfied then you must accept to appreciate and learn to love your body. We all have imperfections and accepting your body as a whole my take time and patience. There are though steps that you can take to learn how to accept you for who you are physically. If you can take these tips on board you will never criticise or condemn your body again.

10 Steps to Loving Your Body

1. listen to your body

This may seem simple but listen to what you body is telling you. If you feel tired, sleep. If you’re sad, cry. If you’re stiff, stretch or go to a yoga class. If you’re legs are aching, put them up. If you’re hungry, eat. The body is a complex structure but will give indicators to you of how it is running you just have to react to these signals.

2. Recognize the distinction between emotional and physical hunger.

When you sit down with a bar of chocolate, are you feeding your stomach or your fears and anxieties? You have to be truthful with yourself.

3. Don’t Starve Yourself or Stuff Yourself

Try and stick to a routine for eating and stick to eat. If you can cut out snacking and eat a sensible diet (don’t eat to fell full but enough to give you the energy you need) you will soon feel much healthier and you body will also feel the benefit of regular and routine food intake.

4. Give your body healthy food.

The food we eat is what the body runs off. If you feed it fruit and vegetables and nutritious food it is getting the right type of energy and will run better.

5. Recognize the difference between habits and proper requirements.

Do you eat pudding every night because you’ve learned to crave sugar after dinner, or because you have room for a indulgence? Put away the dessert for tomorrow if you’re full.

6. When you’re frightened, irritated, or apprehensive; speak to a friend or write your feelings in a journal

It is good to keep record of these things. It may allow you to find a pattern that you can then deal with. Also be externalising this emotions and sharing them you can then deal with them immediately.

7. Massage your own neck, feet, and hands softly and tenderly. Be pleased about your power and wellbeing!

You will it relaxing and by appreciating you body this way you may learn more about yourself and will learn to accept you for who you are.

8. Ask for a foot massage from your partner or even a friend – and give one back.

It is the first step in opening up to other people when you may have not in the past. It will feel good and is the start of the journey to acceptance.

9. Catch yourself saying unconstructive things

Never be critical of yourself for example “I am so stupid for doing that!” This is wrong creates a harmful circle of negativity. Notice when you criticise yourself and stamp it out. It is time t accentuate the positive in you. We all make mistakes live with it and accept it as natural.

10. Learn how to compliment yourself.

As I mentioned in step nine. It is time to be positive and concentrate on that. If you put your mind on a positive setting you will soon start felling much better about yourself.

In conclusion

Stop beating yourself up and being over critical of yourself. Concentrate on all the good about you. Then you can g o further and appreciate the beauty and skills of other people. Another woman’s lovely hair doesn’t change your own style or cut in any way just enjoy her good looks.

When you notice something positive about another person, share it about. When you spread your constructive opinions of others, you’ll straight away feel nice about yourself.

Then why not do something nice for others such as carry an old lady shopping or give up your seat, let some one merge into traffic in font of you, or simply just smile at some one else you will often be pleasantly surprised at the response.

Lacking in self esteem then click here for the self help article "How to learn to love your own body".

10 Tips On How/Ways To Build Self Esteem

Self esteem and ones self worth and how you perceive them will change throughout your life. A specific incident can be a trigger can (or for no reason at all) result in low self esteem and to feel bad about yourself. This though is normal and even healthy if it doesn’t last long and is not necessarily a true account of your self esteem (it is not healthy or possible to feel consistently wonderful about yourself).

Let’s take a specific example that happens often, you are not feeling one hundred percent (you are tired, stressed at work and have a headache coming on etc.) and you snap at a friend who doesn’t deserve it. Then you feel bad about it for a few days after. Do you have low self esteem? Not necessarily. Does it mean you have to apologise to your friend? Yes, because apologising for careless actions/treatment of others invariably makes one feel better about one’s self (unless of course you make a habit of consistently treating people poorly, in which case low self esteem is a basis of a bunch of other problems).

Owning up to your actions will remind you how important it is to be kind and loving, whether you feel like it or not. We have all made mistakes and apologised and have felt better afterwards.

However, if you feel worthless, sad and unhappy about yourself more than you fell good and content, then you may have low self esteem. If you don’t feel valued as a person signs such as over-eating, smoking, drinking or just treating yourself poorly may manifest. This is a downwards spiral that will blot your life and effect those around you, your family, colleagues, friends and even your acquaintances.

There are some simple steps/tips that can allow a person to gain greater self esteem. Accepting that you suffer from low self worth is a fantastic start and accepting that there are issues to be resolved is the first step to cracking the problem. Below are ten ways to build self esteem.

Be Generous
Volunteer your time, talents and energy to help groups and individuals. Giving time to others and seeing positive feedbacks creates a warm glow of satisfaction and allows you to feel included.
Be Brave

If you have always wanted to go to Venice or visit your local gallery and haven’t found anyone to go with, Go alone, you will find you meet people along the way who have similar interest and are in the same position.
Be Goal Orientated

If you step two seems a little daunting don’t worry you can build up to a big overseas trip. Take baby steps and set smaller goals to achieve a bigger aim. You can for example go for dinner alone to a restaurant or take a short road trip locally to build up to a bigger adventure.
Be Bold

Make eye contact with people. If you treat a person in the lift or on the bus as a friend, smile, nod or wish them a pleasant day: you will find yourself pleasantly surprised by the response.

Be Creative and Expressive

You have a passion or want to learn a new skill. It is time to follow through on that desire; take a class be it painting, sculpting or photography.

Be Happy

It is time to take life a little less seriously. It is time to lighten up and appreciate a softer and funnier side to life. It is time to laugh, watch a funny movie, hang out with goofy friends that you thought were a bit silly or see a stand-up comedian (hell why not try stand-up comedy yourself at you local club!).
Be Positive

Don’t be a martyr and spend your time with people who drain, sadden or deflate you (they have their own problems – your are trying to help yourself). It is time to be around positive people who make you feel good, appreciated and valued.
Be Complimentary and Forthcoming

It is time to be more open and tell people when you enjoy their company (yes, they may know this already but telling them so is a lot better), the discussion you just had or the dinner that they have just cooked. Never be afraid to compliment good work, nice dress or great company. It creates a glow of positive energy and will make everyone happy.
Be Out Going and Say “Yes” More Often

Don’t be a wall-flower any longer. Life is passing you by and you can never get it back. Say “yes” more often. Go to parties, concerts and places other people congregate. The more you go the more you will find people will ask. You are creating a positive cycle of happiness that will increase your self esteem.
Be Yourself

Always be truthful and give genuine thoughts and opinion, in the knowledge that you will not always get on with everybody. This is just life and the way things are.

AND NOW FOR A BONUS TIP!

BE A GOOD LISTENER

Too many people never really listen in a conversation; when the other person is talking they are thinking of what to say next. Hear people when they speak, be open minded, reflective and then give a considered response. You will find that people will value your opinion more, will seek it out and will therefore be a big boost to your esteem.

In Conclusion

Life is there for the taking if you take time, breathe and check yourself now and then to asses your position and how other people perceive you. Remember to be open, positive and complimenting and you will receive positive feedback in kind. It is time to trust that you know what is best for you and to take yourself out of that comfort zone you have let yourself get into. It is time to explore new challenges, places and meet new people. You will find not only that your self esteem is raised dramatically but you will be a lot less conscious of this fact or feel the need to judge yourself.

Want to learn to love your own body? then empower yourself with our next article in the series just click here.

My site self-pleasure for women has so far gone in to the techniques and aids that ladies can use to gain greater stimulation and therefore better orgasms through self-pleasure. I have only touched on another very important factor in really enjoying the delights of your own body. It is a subject which over the next few post I hope to cover in detail. The subject in question has affected me, all of my friends and probably every woman in the world at some point. The subject in question is:-

SELF WORTH AND BODY IMAGE

A recent article in an English newspaper claimed that 95% of all women were not happy with the body in one way and another. Hey, girls we all have an area of our bodies that we hate. I for one have lumpy horrible cellulite thighs among other things.

Why Is Self Worth and Body Image Important?

Self worth and body image is important because to truly get the most from self-pleasure and let’s be truthful to get the most from life you

All women should love to learn to love their own bodies

must have confidence in yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Unfortunately for many women that isn’t the case. There are a number of factors for this.

It doesn’t help when you look in magazines and see skinny, airbrushed models wearing expensive clothes looking glamorous; the modern world seems to worship the perfect body and if you have low self esteem it is easy to believe that you are too tall, fat or unattractive

Girls, we are own worst critics picking up every small real or perceived fault with ourselves. We have all been a slave to the scale or checked the mirror more times that is healthy trying to work out why we look the way we do and if we think we are attractive enough. If we are not happy with our own body then we can’t get the most from it.

Whatever your body shape you are attractive and you are beautiful. You don’t have to be thin to be attractive! Women the first step is to be confident, appreciate your own body. Whatever you believe is true there is someone out there who finds you attractive. Beauty is not all about looks but confidence and believing in your own self-worth.

The trick lady is to recognise that your body is unique, enjoy and love it. Look at yourself and focus on the good details. People will focus on the good and not the bad. Believe in yourself and then you will see that everything else will follow.

Still not sure then get greater self esteem by reading the next article in the series.

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It is natural throughout life for a woman to experience changes in their libido. It can be like a rollercoaster ride. One minute your up and can get enough. The next minute you are down. There are many influences that can affect the libido of a woman. It can be anything from a change in lifestyle to a certain medicine that has been prescribed.

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In tackling the issue of libido I have put together a list of the most universal reasons (and solutions) for a waning in a woman’s libido; it maybe possible to correct the circumstances with a few simple lifestyle changes.

A Note of Introduction

Libido/Sex Drive vs. Sexual Arousal

Below we list nine reasons that may lower sex drive and suggest ways that may help you boost you libido.

1.  Situation and Lifestyle

The older we women get the more responsibilities that we have to handle. When we were younger most of us had higher sex drives that can take as huge fall when we get older. The time between work, kids, friendships, hobbies and homemaking doesn’t leave much time for sex. Then when you find you have a litlle spare time often the last things you feel is sexual or in need of any sexual contact; women often just want to read a good book, watch some TV or catch up on a little sleep. It not that us ladies don’t want to have sex it has just some how become a low priority.

Ladies we must all remember that sex is a very important part of any adult relationship. It may mean you have to be a little practical and schedule sex into the calendar. This may sound a little funny but if that is the only way to make sure that you have a chance for lovemaking then it must be done.

Assign one or two nights a week when you spend quality romantic time with oyur partner. It time to kick things up a notch: For example take turns bringing something new into the bedroom. such as sex toy, illustrated book, video ir technique. The idea about scheduling tie together is so that you’re making a commitment and also allows you to get a mind set of what is going to happen. It gives you mind and body time to prepare and will help find it helps you when sexual arousal enters the equation as you will be more ready for it then coming in cold.

2. Mindset – Anxiety, Stress and Fear

Sex is the last ting on a woman’s mind when she is stressed, anxious or has some fears. It could be work related, a relationship issue, family or money problems and they can really lower drastically a woman’s libido.

How can any girl feel sexy when she has to worry about mortgage repayments. Fear and anxiety associated with sex itself can also cause problems. In the modern world there are fears of STD’s or of getting pregnant, they all can affect the libido and lower he chances of having a rewarding sexual experience.

The way to conquer stress, fear and anxiety is to firstly ensure that the body is healthy. It is up to you to look after you body by eating right, drinking plenty of water, taking regular exercise or even practicing relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation.

Listen girls, it may seem like hard work but if you are not doing it for your health then do it for your sex lives. The next step is to strengthen the mind by doing things you are good for you such as reading, doing a crossword, talking to friends, kids and your partner and writing in a journal. If you have a healthy body and mind you will become much more capable to deal with the problems in the bedroom.

If you've tried these methods and still feel that anxiety and fear are detrimental your libido, it may be time to seek qualified help. If you are secure with the thought, attempt to talk to a sex therapist. Otherwise a psychologist, life coach or marriage counsellor as they can help you feel better and enjoy sex more.

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3. Routine and Boredom

It is easy to get stuck in a groove and familiarity can be a big libido killer. Many women’s ideal is to be in a monogamous relationship but after 20 years it is perfectly normal to be bored or uninspired by your partner. By this time you have tried most things and have ruled out or forgotten about anything you haven’t tried. This can also apply to couples who have been dating for less than six months as they too can get into a sexual rut after the first flush of puppy love has gone away. It can end up with you using the missionary position every time you get it on like on a Monday, Wednesday and Saturday night. It is fine but everyone needs a bit of variety and spontaneity in their lives.

It is time now to get back to basics and to those sexual routes. Try to approach sex as a brand new experience and forget about everything that you like and don’t like. Approach you partner and talk about what you want to try in bed. It might be that you just need to introduce something new to the bedroom. There are many ways to re-invigorate your sex life; buy a sex toy and use with your mate, watch sexy videos and try to recreate the scene, read or look through some illustrated sex guides. There maybe some initial embarrassment or unease with your new experiences together, but if you can keep an open mind you will soon find that your new found experiences lead to much more fun and satisfaction.

4. Relationship Issues

If there is any ill feeling towards a partner it has to be addressed. If an issue or conflict is left unresolved it will lead to a dampening of desire as can secrets or if you are emotionally upset for some reason. When you are carrying negative feelings about a partner, your level of attraction for that person can wane dramatically an even in some severe cases never return. It can be as simple as a lack of appropriate hygiene, or something more complex, such as infidelity; whatever the case issues have to be addressed and dealt with before you can feel sexual again towards your partner.

Communication is the key to a good relationship. If you don’t talk to your partner, resentment will grow with you partner and eventually result in an all out conflict. If talking to one another doesn’t work then maybe it means trying a counsellor or therapist to move things in a positive direction. If that doesn’t work then maybe it is time to see a sex therapist as there maybe problems that are deep rooted that even you are not aware of. I am afraid to say though if all else fails then it may just mean that a relationship has run its course and it is time to say goodbye. It maybe a sad moment but sex is an important part of your life and a relationship and you must enjoy it.

5. Body Complex

No one is ever one hundred percent satisfied with their own body as I have covered in other parts of my website. It maybe those extra large love-handles or those bingo wings or maybe even an issue with your small breasts. The truth is that to feel positive about sex then you must be happy with your own body. As I have said we all have imperfections (perceived or real) and it time to accept them and live with them. If you can’t then you may need to take some further action.

Read my article on how to build your self esteem and improve you body image

6. Getting Older

Age catches up with us all and does take a toll on our bodies. There is a loss of bone mass, susceptibility to illness, painful joints, grey hair, sagging flesh and the list goes on. Menopause and decreased testosterone (yes in women too) production are the reasons for decrease in libido but fear, anxiety and depression from aging can contribute too.

If you are going through the menopause, it is important that you understand the changes taking place in your own body. It may mean seeking out your doctor about treatment for the physical changes that are taking place and affecting the sex drive. The use of Estrogens in any forms can increase blood flow to the vagina and increase arousal thus leading to increased desire. Hormone therapy that includes low dose androgens has been shown to be particularly effective at increasing low libido. There may even be something as easy as the use of lubricants to get an immediate effect if you are experiencing vaginal dryness.

7. Sexual Abuse

Those people that have been unfortunate to suffer sexual abuse can later then have a difficult time with physical intimacy. It is a natural reaction and it takes time and understanding for both the mind and boy to deal with these painful experiences, but there is little attention paid to our sexuality. Please if this applies to you know that many people who have suffered sexual assault have gone on to have healthy and full sexual relationships. It takes time, patience, understanding and some counselling. This cannot be rushed and you must take your time and only become intimate when you are ready too! Never ever let anyone pressure you into something you feel uncomfortable about.

8. Medication

It is widely known that the effect of birth control pills (also when combined with oral contraceptives) leads to a lowered libido. The decreased androgen production or lowered testosterone levels can cause women to experience a lower libido and less vaginal lubrication.

There are other medications that also dampen desire such as tranquilisers, high blood pressure pills and mood stabilizer amongst many. It must also be noted that even mediation that isn’t anyway connected to sexual; arousal can have an adverse affect on sexual desire. When talking to your doctor about any new medication and finding that it may alter your libido it might be best to ask if there maybe a viable alternative.

Depression seems to be a part of modern life. If you are feeling down and cannot shake the feeling it may mean you have depression. If you feel this way then it maybe time to see you doctor. Depression will make many people listless, drowsy, sad, angry, upset and very emotional. Depression will have a very noticeable effect on libido. It is known that as many as seventy five percent of people with depression also suffer a lowered sex drive.

The very drugs that are used to treat depression (MAOI’s, SSRI’s and tricyclics) can also lead to sexual dysfunction, such as a delay in orgasm and lead to an adverse affect on the level of sexual desire.

There have been changes in the last few years that have given hope to people in this situation. There are drugs such as Viagra(r) with antidepressants. Then there may be the use of herbal remedies such a Ginkgo Bilboa, which is thought to help with lack of desire related to taking Paxil or other antidepressants. The there may also be Wellbutrin that has been shown to combat reduced sexual desire.

Please, though whatever you decide or look into always consult you doctor before any changing of medication or stopping your medications.

9. Medical Problems

There are many numbers of medical disorders that can lower libido such as a thyroid problem or hormone deficiency (especially in older people). A metabolic disorder; anything that adversely affects you metabolism (including an eating disorder, accident, trauma or illness) will obviously cause a lowered libido; it is also true to note that one in five American women have hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), more comely know as a low sex drive. If you have ruled out all other reasons to why you have a low sex drive then consult you doctor. You may have a readily curable medical condition.

There isn’t such a thing as a normal libido we are all different and have different sex drives. If you feel frustrated by lack of sexual appetite, take it easy. . Your personal sense of normality is defined by how you feel about your sexuality and whether or not you're happy with how you are expressing it. If you are comfortable about your sexuality then congratulations; if however you feel that you may need a gentle push; then explore the remedies suggested here. There is though no miracle cure some of the suggestions here have worked for other people but may not work for you. It may just take time and patience. It may mean just going solo for a while with a sex toy or eating a piece of chocolate. Hey girls chocolates is an aphrodisiac after all!

It's time to increase your libido and learn to lover yourself  make it easier with a little sex toy simply….