Well I know I as a woman I have faked an orgasm. I reckon at some point in our lives most of us ladies have faked an orgasm. It is now believed that it is possible as many as one in three women is unable to achieve orgasm with their partner.

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I had an email from a lovely lady Rachael who was looking for some advice on how she could attain consistent orgasms from sexual experiences with her husband. She wrote:-

“When it comes to orgasms I have to use all my acting skills. I don’t try to be a porno star and overplay my hand. All I do is clench my muscles, hold my breath and quiver, then relax and smile”.

Yeh me too! I know exactly where Rachael is coming from and I expect that most of my readers have been in this position too. Rachael charade is not unusual. I have reported on this website surveys have shown that anywhere between 48 and 72 percent of women has faked orgasms. Rachael went on to explain in her email that in every other area of her relationship she was completely transparent with her husband.

I always advocate conversation between partners is paramount to a fulfilling sexual relationship and that Rachael in her lets say “performances” has in fact been lying to her husband. Yes it maybe shocking but it is true to say to perform in this way is to be deceitful to your husband or partner.

Now it is I guess OK to fake every now and again. Call them small white lies but if you are consistently faking an orgasm then I believe there is a problem. To fake when maybe you’re tired or just want to end sex and don’t want to let the partner down doesn’t harm the relationship.

The problem is habitual faking. I know when a women fakes an orgasm she is doing it for some one else. The thing is if you turn that on its head and think about it; then as a woman you are not faking an orgasm to make yourself happy. If you are faking all you are doing is smoothing over the cracks in your sexual life. In effect by faking you are just caressing the ego of a lover into thinking they are satisfying you sexually.

The reasoning behind why we fake it maybe due to our narrow view of sexuality and that the right way to have sex must end with a screaming orgasm. It is unsurprising that we’d rather fake than strive within restrictive parameters towards such an uncertain end.

It is habitual faking that is counter productive. It is when women who are faking all the time or very frequently because they feel under pressure to please a partner or because they themselves are reaching orgasm rarely or not at all. This situation is then made even worse because these women don’t know how to say what they want to improve things sexually.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

I believe women who habitually fake are probably suffering from low sexual self-esteem and have an eroded sense of entitlement to sexual gratification. These women don’t believe they can ask their partner to help them orgasm because they would feel greedy or selfish. This is true of many women; a woman could be a strident feminist in her professional life but a lot less confident sexually. They fake and lie because they don’t feel they can ask for what they want.

It is also true to say that men may fake too. Yes I have many men also visit my website and even though a man may ejaculate he may not orgasm. Ejaculation is the functional part of sex; the propulsion of seminal fluid. The orgasm is the climactic feeling in sex.

It doesn’t matter on the gender habitual faking as opposed to occasional faking is corrosive to emotional intimacy. If the faking continues it may lead to the person who has been faking becoming resentful to their partner. They may feel bad about themselves which in turn will put strain or bring conflict to the relationship.

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Remember to visit my site next week to get the next installment on faking orgasms and find out how to move past faking and have better sexual experiences.

The easiest way is to join my newsletter group if you haven't already simply fill the webform in below to get the latst updates.

Tags: women faking orgasms, sexual experiences, sexual fanatazing, faked an orgasm, womens orgasm, female orgasm

The response by men and women to erotic stimuli is very different. In his legendry study of sexual behaviour Alfred Kinsey noted that far more men than women were turned on by pornography and erotic material then women. Kinsey recorded that 54% of men said they had been aroused by photographs, drawings or paintings of nude figures compared to only 12% of women.

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The same was true when it came to erotic stories with only 14% of women saying that they were turned on by erotic stories against nearly half of the men questioned. In fact many more women than men were said to be offended.

Kinsey himself was surprised of the data regarding how few women were turned on by erotic stories. In his studies the only kind of psychological stimulation to which women seemed more susceptible than man was ordinary movies. Kinsey attributed this to the romantic or emotional atmosphere that is part-and-parcel of erotic scenes in most movies.

There has since though been further study that recorded different observations. Gunter Schmidt and Volkmar Sigusch from Hamburg University observed how college students reacted to sexually explicit stories, slides and films. They found that on average men reported slightly more sexual arousal to the material than women but in both sexes there was a lot of variation from individual to individual. They noted that 42% of women who saw the films and slides were more aroused than the average man. Women were also more likely than men to describe themselves as shocked or disgusted by erotica. According to the German studies the sexual and emotional reactions of both men and women were more alike than different.

It is interesting to note that the majority of both men and women in the German studies reported physiological signs of sexual arousal to the erotica. When Schmidt and Sigusch grouped all kinds of reactions together – in men, pre-ejaculatory emissions, erections and ejaculation; in women, vaginal lubrication, genital or breast sensation and orgasm – they found that 80-91% of the men and 70-83% of women had been aroused.

There are problems generalizing from these results. College students are more permissive towards sexuality than many other groups. Those in north-western Europe seem to be more permissive than their American counterparts. Studies such as Schmidt and Sigusch’s do show though that there is nothing inevitable about a sex difference in reactions to erotic materials.

Ok fine but I know that some people may believe than women may be more likely to lie or at least to be evasive about their response to pornography or that women may be less sensitive to physiological signs of arousal. The answer may come from Julia Heiman a psychologist who got round these problems by recording the actual physiological responses of college men and women while listening to taped erotic stories.

Men wore a flexible circlet (like a rubber band) around the base of the penis. The device called a strain gauge is filled with mercury and measures blood volume and pressure pulse, recording the slightest sign of erection. Women got a newly designed device called a photoplethysmograph which is a small acrylic cylinder containing photocell and light source. When inserted into the vagina the device registers changes in blood volume and pressure pulse, early indications if sexual arousal.

The students were then to listen to four different kinds of tapes which were:-

• Erotic stories about explicit sex
• Romantic versions of the same story
• Stories than were both romantic and erotic
• Control stories that were neither erotic or romantic

In general the women were as likely as men to be turned on physiologically while listening to the erotic stories and for both sexes straight sex was more arousing then romance alone. Further there was no evidence that these women preferred romantic-erotic stories to one than as simply erotic. In fact when students evaluated the stories subjectively the women rated the erotic ones more arousing than did the men.

Although previous findings of sex difference in response to pornography may have been due to women difficulties in recognizing or admitting arousal it is also possible that real change has taken place since Kinsey’s day. Women are now exposed to much more erotica today than ever before and the content is much more female orientated. It is now permissible for women to enjoy erotic magazines such as Playgirl or to view erotic movies many which are geared towards a female perspective.

In conclusion it is fair to say that the majority both and women seem in today’s world respond positively to erotic material. It is much more common place now for women to view and enjoy erotica. With this in mind I believe that erotica can be used successfully in any sexual relationship. For example the viewing of pornographic movie can be used as a form of foreplay with both people within the couple most likely physically aroused on viewing the film. I say why not give it a try if you haven’t before.

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Tags: erotica for women, erotic stories, male erotica

Dr. Alfred Kinsey was a noted researcher in sexual behaviour and had several books published including two books “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male” and “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female”.

In his studies Kinsey found that more men than women reported fantasizing about sex, though women were as afar from being asexual in mind as in deed. Kinsey was especially interested in fantasy during masturbation. He found that 89% of men who masturbated fantasized but only 64% of women did, and men did so much more regularly.

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I believe the figure would be much higher for women today just from my own experiences and through conversations with readers of my website. The figure will also be higher now because sexual fantasizing is considered normal and appropriate for both sexes. Plus anyone who knows me will attest that I truly believe that fantasizing is key to a healthily lifestyle and maximising the pleasure anyone can get from their own body.

To get further in to the fantasy topic it is interesting to note that although men still fantasize more during masturbation than women; there is evidence that women fantasize as much or even more than men during intercourse (I know I have had too when some uninspired man thinks he is making “sweet love” to me). I think the reason women probably fantasize more is because for most women the physical stimulation of intercourse isn’t enough t bring her to orgasm.

In today’s more sexual enlightened world writers, books and the media now even encourage women to use fantasy to enhance their sexual experiences. Many people (including some psychotherapists) presumed that women who fantasized during sex were neurotic, bored, unhappy or frustrated. The fact is E. Barbara Hariton during her studies in 1973 found no instance of emotional instability in these women. Instead they tended to be creative, nonconformist, sexually active and satisfied.

In their fantasies people of both sexes tend to imagine forbidden activities or partners but certain themes are more characteristic of one sex than of the other. Men are some what likelier than women to think about group sex, sex with a stranger, forcing women to have sex or overcoming a woman’s initial resistance. Women are somewhat likelier than men to think about romantic situations or being overpowered. Fantasies involving force by the way usually don’t include physical violence or psychological degradation and therefore should not be considered rape fantasies.

For both men and women fantasies are a way of mentally role-playing certain cultural erotic roles or of experiencing a side of oneself that they cannot or would not want to be expressed in real life. Undeniably most fantasies have little to do with reality. For example Hariton found that those women who fantasised about being dominated sexually are most often in their real lives professionally successful people.

In conclusion sexual fantasies are normal among the majority of both men and women in self pleasure and intercourse situations. It is fun and can en-heighten any sexual situation. I even sometimes find it fun and great foreplay to get a partner to talk to me about their sexual fantasises and who knows that discussion could lead to some exciting new sexual experiences that you never ever dreamed of.

As far as I am concerned I conclude –

“Just let you mind wander and then your hands”

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I got a email from a nice young lady this week who wrote "I am 18 and still a virgin, what kind of things would you say are the best ways to masturbate when you are a virgin?". I thought alot about this and came and tried to come up with a ideal answer. I thought that there must be many other young ladies who are asking the same question so decided to put my answer here for other youing ladies to read.

Jessica,

Thank you so much for your email. I have spent a lot of time mulling over your problem trying to come up with an ideal answer. I take all emails seriously.

Jessica you are at the start of your sexual journey that will hopefully be a wonderful and fulfilling experience that will bring you happiness and joy. All I can say that there isn’t any hard or fast rules of how to approach masturbation and your sexual being.

You are in a great position as you are seriously considering how best to masturbate although you are inexperienced. Well I would say that anything goes. Masturbation is all about enjoyment but also experimentation.

I would suggest that you use your alone time to really explore your body and all your erogenous zones from your nipples to the little known zone that is the AFE zones. Listen to what your body tells you and if you find something you really like then explore it further. I myself often find my clitoris quite sensitive and don’t like direct touch on my clit at first. I will play around the sides of my clit to start with and then when I am excited it can sometimes be OK to then directly stimulate my clitoris.

The only thing I would say is as a virgin if you were considering a dildo or vibrator use a smaller sex toy to start with. The best way to find the ideal size toy would be to get a candle and put a condom on it and then use it in your vagina to find the length that best suits you. A jelly dildo is ideal for a beginner and plus they are generally inexpensive.

Jessica don’t be afraid to really explore your body. The way to approach self pleasure is to do so when you are comfortable. That means when you are alone and there is no chance of being disturbed so when the house if empty. Then get as comfortable as possible using your favourite pillows and cushions. Maybe have a sheet on the floor and lay back with legs drawn up and knees allowed to flop apart. Rest the palm of your hand on your pubic mound and fingers resting on your open vulva. Move your hand to stimulate clitoris by side-to-side, up and down, circular or gentle pinching movements and then just start exploring from there.

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Jessica it takes time and just let things happen naturally and soon you will gain more confidence and know what your body likes and what makes your climax with the most pleasure.

I have been masturbating for over 16 years and still I am sometimes amazed at what I can achieve with a little exploration and a good toy (I am not saying that you have to get a toy but as an experienced women I like to have different toys for when I get some alone time).

I have written several articles on my site that I would recommend reading and will list then below:-

Self Pleasure Situations

The Clitoris

The G-Spot

Nipple Play

The Orgasm

Jessica I hope you find this email useful and please, please feel free to contact me (contact form below this post)  anytime with any questions or just to talk about anything in general. I will try and help and get back to you as promptly as I can.

Thanks

Holly

There are several types of orgasm for ladies. Most females can reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris with the fingers, oral sex or a sex toy such as a the dildo or vibrator.

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The first type of orgasm to explain is the one most people associate with women the vaginal orgasm. The easiest way most women achieve a vaginal orgasm is through G-Spot stimulation. The G-spot is a spongy mass of tissue that swells (engorges with blood) when excited. It's still hard to find for many women. It is however discovered two inches within the vagina on the front wall. It is known that by stimulating the G-Spot for vaginal orgasms leads to a much more powerful orgasmic experience.

The second type of orgasm is the blended orgasm which is a mix of clitoral and G-Spot stimulation. They are known to be powerful orgasms that can produce intense orgasms and also lead to female ejaculation.

Multiple orgasms are a series of orgasms that occur over a brief period of time and they can occur with any kind of orgasm. With multiple orgasms after the first orgasm women will have sequential climaxes. Multiple orgasms can be continuous without further stimulation or stimulation necessary for some women to continue to orgasm.

A simultaneous orgasm is when a lovers climax at the same time. This can be a fantastic experience, though doubtless not something you mean to do each time you make love, a lot of the enjoyment of the orgasm is watching your other half have one.

The brain is the largest sex organ, and due to this, some folks can reach climax without sexual stimulation. These orgasms are achieved through a woman having erotic thoughts without stimulation until reaching orgasm.

Nocturnal orgasms or wet dreams are another type prompted by the brain whilst sleeping and most associated with boys going through puberty (put in as technically another type of orgasm).

An extended orgasm is a solitary orgasm that sustains pleasurable sensations of climax over a long than usual period of time. The duration of the orgasm can be developed over time and then can last an hour or longer.

Orgasms are felt in the body, mind, emotions and spirit. The goal of gaining orgasm is to feel the greatest amount of that pleasure as possible either on your own or with a partner. They are mainly through stimulation of erotic zones but it is important to remember the mind needs to be stimulated to really make the most of your sexual encounters and therefore your eventual orgasm.

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Tags: simultaneuos orgasm, orgasm, multiple orgasm, woman orgasm, types of orgasm, extended orgasm

The orgasm is the crowning of a successful and highly pleasurable session of sex. It puts a grin on the face of satisfied women and makes men walk with a swagger. The big “O” is the one of the most important little things in the universe and the fundamental end product of a wonderful sexual experience. If it wasn’t for the orgasm life would be a very dull existence.

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But orgasm isn't limited in scope to making one (or two) folks feel good for 5 or 10 minutes before falling asleep. Science has demonstrated that frequent sex and orgasms are vital to the general contentment and health of each person.

The more frequent the orgasm, the better off that person is going to be on both the physical and psychological planes. Everyday life results in

Every girl should orgasm more!

tension for most of us. The troubles of responsibilities and relationships take their toll on the psychological balance of a person. Sex and orgasms are an opportunity for these tensions to be released as stress and anxiety are flushed from the system when you reach orgasm.

Therefore; the mind uses the orgasm to discharge the tensions out of the system and replace them with a relaxed body state and on a plus side incorporates pleasure. The most common thing to do after extricating yourself from the tender embrace is, naturally, to slip into sleep. The mixed effort of sex and relaxation brought by orgasm is the ideal replacement for any sleeping tablet.

Rather than reaching out for the bottle of tablets, you would be better off reaching out for the person lying in bed next to you or for a much-loved sex toy. It is a completely natural solution that should be heartily endorsed. What men also need understand is that a headache is a lady's way of saying "You have to try harder".

The pleasure brought by orgasm is the result of a discharge of endorphins into the brain. No headache can survive the attack of pleasure flooding the brain and the relaxing effect it has.

Naturally, sex isn't intended to replace dieting, but it appears to go some way toward helping you rein in those food longings and it does burn some calories. In truth, sex burns more calories per minute than tennis. The number of systematic studies shows that frequent orgasms are good for one's health. The Orgasm plays a critical role to obtain a successful sex life and also for the physical and psychological health of all men and women.

Apart from the undeniable fact that increased heart rate and heavy breathing keep the circulatory system in shape and make oxygen circulate through the body, sex has other benefits. A study made public in Psychosomatic Medication in 1976 showed clearly that failure to reach orgasm has a negative result on the heart health of ladies.

Healthy levels of oestrogen help keep the heart system in shape, fight cholesterol and keep the skin pliant. To conclude regular orgasmic experiences can truly lead to better health and well being be it from self pleasure or through love-making. What other excuse to you need?

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Tags: self pleasure, oestrogen, love making, orgasm, female orgasm, benefits sex

Some girls feel that one is sufficient and others find that their clitoris is too sensitive after their first orgasm and their just not interested in having any more. Girls unlike men on do not have a refractory period, after their first orgasm they are in the plateau stage and stay aroused for longer and if stimulation is continued more orgasms are likely. These appear as a sequence of climaxes that come close along without an interruption in arousal. For some women they may need some seconds to relax before stimulation can continue when having multiple orgasms but then an another orgasm usually occurs inside minutes.

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A likely situation for this to occur is if the clitoris is stimulated manually or orally till climax is reached, followed by another climax during intercourse.

Some girls might find that their clitoris is extraordinarily sensitive after their first orgasm.

If direct stimulation is too intense, try indirect stimulation on another part of the genitals. It would help to take deep breaths, rocking your pelvis in time with your breathing, while the energy builds up again in your genitals. Within a few minutes you could find that over stimulation will give way to pleasure. There are two types of multiple orgasms.

Sequential Multiples

These are a series of climaxes that come close together with an interruption in arousal. The woman might need a few seconds to relax and then stimulation can continue, with another orgasm occurring within minutes. A likely situation for this to happen is if the clitoris is stimulated manually or orally until climax is reached, followed by another climax during intercourse.

Some women might find that their clitoris is very sensitive after their first orgasm. If direct stimulation is too intense, try indirect stimulation on another part of the genitals. It might help to take deep breaths, rocking your pelvis in time with your breathing, while the energy builds up again in your genitals. Within a few minutes you could find that over stimulation will give way to pleasure.

Serial Multiples

These are orgasms that come one after the other without interruption in arousal. These are only seconds apart and may feel like on continuous orgasm with multiple peak points. This is likely to be achieved if the clitoris and G-Spot are being stimulated simultaneously.

Some women find that their second or third orgasms are more powerful than the first, and some find that their orgasms become progressively less intense.

In conclusion

Achieving multiple orgasms can be refreshing, exciting and even lead to an overall sense if well being for a long while after the event. A great way to get multiple orgasm is of course through self pleasure.

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Tags: female masturbation, female orgasm, masturbation, clitoris, self pleasure, orgasm

Imagine or visualize energy streaming out of your nipples. Allow your breasts and heart to open and flow as you hum. Transfer some herbal oil or ointment to your palms. Place them on either side of one breast and hum. Cup your fingers alongside or under your breast, thumbs touching and up as high on the chest as possible. (If your breasts are very large, rest the right breast in the right palm and massage with the left thumb, starting in the armpit and moving toward the centre of the chest.)

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Press in and slide your thumbs down toward the nipple, pressing the breast tissue into your fingers and palms. Stretch your thumbs up toward the collarbone again, but slightly farther apart, press in and slide down. Continue until your thumbs are as far apart as possible (the middle of your chest and your armpit). Repeat, gradually increasing pressure, but only as long as it feels good.

Caution: There is a slight possibility of spreading breast cancer through vigorous massage, rough handling, or very deep pressure.

Transfer more oil or ointment to your palms and rub your hands together. Repeat the previous pattern, but break up the stroke: Instead of a long, slow, smooth stroke, use your thumbs to make a lot of overlapping short strokes, gradually moving down the chest. Raise the arm of the breast you're massaging, and put your hand behind you or on your head. If your breast leans to the outside, prop a pillow under that shoulder or lean over.

Dip your fingers into your oil or ointment and, starting in your armpit, press the finger pads of your first two or three fingers down with enough pressure to hold the skin, and make a small circle. Keep making little circles (with enough pressure to feel the underlying structures) as you trace an imaginary spiral from your armpit around and around your breast, growing ever smaller until you reach your nipple. (If it is difficult or impossible for you to use your finger pads, use your palm.) Cover your breast with your hand and hum. Curl your fingers into your armpit and gently grasp the ridge of lymph-rich tissues and muscles that extend from the shoulder down into the breast.

Move up and down this ridge several times, using small squeezes or long glides or little spirals or your own strokes. As you touch your breasts, imagine or visualize your fingertips emitting healing pink sparkles that embrace and nourish your breasts. Allow any held distress to be soothed by the balm of the infused herbal oil/ointment. Let overactive energy be calmed by the rhythm of your fingers circling, circling, spiralling, spiralling. Apply more oil or ointment with your finger pads, making large gliding circles from mid-chest to under your breast, up toward the armpit and over and around, again and again, with a steady rhythm.

Call to your Wise Healer Within as you hum. Massage your other breast, starting from the beginning: Put your hands over your heart. (Is there a difference between the breast that has already been massaged and the one that hasn't yet?) Rub your oily hands briskly together; hold either side of your breast and hum. Extend your thumbs and massage as before, including all of the previous strokes and ending with your eyes closed, relaxing deeply and allowing yourself to contact and listen to your Wise Healer Within.

After You Breast Massage

After your breast self-massage, take a moment to record your experience. This will help you learn more quickly what's normal for you. You can draw a map of your breasts to help you remember what you've felt. Write down any messages offered to you by your breasts or your Wise Healer Within. If you like, make up a little song to hum during your massage.

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Tags: masturbation, female masturbation, orgasm, breast massage, self love, female orgasm, clitoris, breast, self pleasure, self pleasure for women

Sure, your breasts are less lumpy at some times of the month.

But you can do breast self-massage whenever you want, even if you're lumpy.

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If the best time for you to pay attention to yourself is when you bleed, because that's when you take time to be alone, then that's the time to do breast self-massage.

You could do it every week and get to know how your breasts change with your cycle and with the moon, but most likely you'll do it every month. I like to do my breast self-massage when the moon is new. First, make or buy some infused herbal oils or ointments. Then, create a comfortable, private place where you can lean back: in a warm bath or propped up with cushions in bed. (Protect linens and clothing from oil stains.) Arrange yourself there, bare-breasted, with your infused herbal oils close at hand.

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Tags: female self pleasure, self pleasure, female orgasm, masturbation, breast massage, nipples, clitoris, breast, g-spot, self love

Breast self-massage helps prevent cancer as well as detect it. Breast self-massage is a way to be intimate with your breasts. Breast self-massage is a piece of women's wisdom. Many of the women I've talked with say they don't do breast self-exams, though most think they ought to. Many women don’t want to look for or heaven forbid, find cancer.

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We've been trained to avoid danger, and looking for cancer sounds like looking for trouble. Our bodies are influenced by what we think, so how can it be safe to spend time every month doing a breast self-exam, worrying if we're about to find a lump? But we feel guilty when we don't.

And what are we supposed to feel when we touch our breasts anyway? They feel full of lumps. Most of us aren't sure how to touch or examine our breasts or what we'd do if we did feel something truly suspicious.

Breast self-massage offers a way to let go of this tension and also to get in touch with yourself. A soothing, nurturing self-massage is a pleasurable and relaxing way to get to know your breasts. It avoids the worry of checking for cancer; while providing an excellent early-warning system should cancer arise. Regular, loving touching of our breasts allows us to recognize normal breast changes without fear, and gives us time to respond thoughtfully to abnormal changes. Breast self-massage is also a quiet, focused time that allows the Wise Healer Within to alert us to any changes that require our attention. Infused (not essential) herbal oils are an important element of breast self-massage.

When herbs are infused into oil, active plant components are liberated and can be massaged into breast tissue – where they help reverse abnormal cellular changes such as hyperplasia, atypia, pre-cancers, and in situ cancers. It’s fast and fun to make your own infused oils or you can buy them. If this is all new to you, take a few months to learn about your breasts with self-massage before doing breast self-exam.

They complement each other: Let the pleasure of the massage infuse the exam, and let the effectiveness of the exam inform the massage.

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[tags]self pleasure,self pleasure for women,female self pleasure,masturbation, female masturbation,self love,clitoris,orgasm,female orgasm,g-spot,nipples,breast,breast massage[tags]