Many women have written to me and writing of their "guilt" when they decide to self-pleasure. I found this a difficult subject to approach as each individual case was different. Here I list some of the common reasons that most ladies came up with when feeling masturbation shame:

1. They felt they were stealing something from their partner. There was a sense of guilt that the enjoyment should not be felt alone but should be with one's sexual partner.

2. That it was an outright sin or that it was just plain wrong to self-pleasure (the issue of religion in both Muslim and Christian women).

3. Worried about the health issues raised with masturbation can it effect the libido or could it affect subsequent sexual intercourse.

4. Women with kids and young families felt they didn't have the time to themselves to engage in self-pleasure and felt bad when they did masturbate.

There were others examples that were associated with guilt and self-love. It is hard to generalise the subject here as it is easier to deal with each subject individually. I am just an ordinary girl and haven't any physiology degrees. I feel a little uncomfortable about trying to give such advice.

As a result I decided to come up with a generic answer to the question in the form of firstly why women may feel guilty and then trying to explain why I feel that these beliefs maybe not be correct. I don't want to get into a religious debate or even bully women with my views. It is a case of reading my argument and making your own mind up.

Why Women May Feel Guilty

1. The present day translation maintains the disapproving image alive: to masturbate comes from the association of two Latin words, manus (hand) and stuprare (soil, make dirty)

2. During childhood, the repressive attitude of certain parents can engender later a sense of guilt.

3. For women, the fantasies connected to masturbation (old fantasies, going back up to early childhood) are much stronger. They thus feel guiltier in adulthood if they continue to masturbate while they have a well fulfilled sexual life.

 Why Women Shouldn’t Feel Guilty With Self-Pleasure

Masturbation has been condemned for a long time. Religion cast it as a sin and although we have moved on as people to become more self aware the stigma attached to masturbation has stuck with some people still unable to truly feel comfortable about gaining pleasure from their own body.

That common perception negates the fact that self-pleasure can be fun and can really add to your sex life. Many women masturbate. Dr. Alfred Kinsey in his 15 year study of sexual research back in the 1940’s and 1950’s recorded that 60% of women masturbated which other modern day surveys including one of my own on this site confirms.

Women may not want to broadcast this fact to friends, family and the bigger world (which I think is a shame as the more open we girls are the sooner we are liberated and really can enjoy self-love for all its positives).

Women can feel guilty about resorting to masturbation, as if they stole something from their significant other: if to be fulfilled by masturbation leads you to decline sex with your partner, obviously there is a predicament. But, in a couple, it is not necessary that we do everything together; must all pleasure be strictly shared? Sports, music and shopping do you have to do them all together? When masturbation isn’t an escape, but a search for a balance, then you both will be at ease, and can experience a healthy sex life without tension. Where as frustration due to an insufficient sexuality might cause you to resent your partner, and even wish to turn away from sex with him or her.

The use of self-pleasure open up doors to other possibilities it can reduce the over use of vaginal penetration and bring in a new area of enjoyment and variety into the bedroom. It offers many different ways for women to reach orgasm and other types of pleasure. In women it can bring a force of excitement that is no allowed by either the softness of a vagina nor the obligation to hold on for a certain time.

In conclusion there are a many ways women can live out their sexuality. Masturbation is one: by yourself or in the presence of a partner, frequent or occasional, solitary or mutually shared, it colours the life of one person, is absent in the life of another one, is accessible with out ever being imposed, something that people can take or leave according to their impulse.

I hope this has opened up the debate. I know it is not a real answer to the question of guilt and an in depth answer would probably be enough to fill a 500 page thesis. I just wanted to say that self-pleasure is a natural act that I believe should be embraced and enjoyed and can really bring added value to a women and her well being.