Well I know I as a woman I have faked an orgasm. I reckon at some point in our lives most of us ladies have faked an orgasm. It is now believed that it is possible as many as one in three women is unable to achieve orgasm with their partner.

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I had an email from a lovely lady Rachael who was looking for some advice on how she could attain consistent orgasms from sexual experiences with her husband. She wrote:-

“When it comes to orgasms I have to use all my acting skills. I don’t try to be a porno star and overplay my hand. All I do is clench my muscles, hold my breath and quiver, then relax and smile”.

Yeh me too! I know exactly where Rachael is coming from and I expect that most of my readers have been in this position too. Rachael charade is not unusual. I have reported on this website surveys have shown that anywhere between 48 and 72 percent of women has faked orgasms. Rachael went on to explain in her email that in every other area of her relationship she was completely transparent with her husband.

I always advocate conversation between partners is paramount to a fulfilling sexual relationship and that Rachael in her lets say “performances” has in fact been lying to her husband. Yes it maybe shocking but it is true to say to perform in this way is to be deceitful to your husband or partner.

Now it is I guess OK to fake every now and again. Call them small white lies but if you are consistently faking an orgasm then I believe there is a problem. To fake when maybe you’re tired or just want to end sex and don’t want to let the partner down doesn’t harm the relationship.

The problem is habitual faking. I know when a women fakes an orgasm she is doing it for some one else. The thing is if you turn that on its head and think about it; then as a woman you are not faking an orgasm to make yourself happy. If you are faking all you are doing is smoothing over the cracks in your sexual life. In effect by faking you are just caressing the ego of a lover into thinking they are satisfying you sexually.

The reasoning behind why we fake it maybe due to our narrow view of sexuality and that the right way to have sex must end with a screaming orgasm. It is unsurprising that we’d rather fake than strive within restrictive parameters towards such an uncertain end.

It is habitual faking that is counter productive. It is when women who are faking all the time or very frequently because they feel under pressure to please a partner or because they themselves are reaching orgasm rarely or not at all. This situation is then made even worse because these women don’t know how to say what they want to improve things sexually.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

I believe women who habitually fake are probably suffering from low sexual self-esteem and have an eroded sense of entitlement to sexual gratification. These women don’t believe they can ask their partner to help them orgasm because they would feel greedy or selfish. This is true of many women; a woman could be a strident feminist in her professional life but a lot less confident sexually. They fake and lie because they don’t feel they can ask for what they want.

It is also true to say that men may fake too. Yes I have many men also visit my website and even though a man may ejaculate he may not orgasm. Ejaculation is the functional part of sex; the propulsion of seminal fluid. The orgasm is the climactic feeling in sex.

It doesn’t matter on the gender habitual faking as opposed to occasional faking is corrosive to emotional intimacy. If the faking continues it may lead to the person who has been faking becoming resentful to their partner. They may feel bad about themselves which in turn will put strain or bring conflict to the relationship.

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Remember to visit my site next week to get the next installment on faking orgasms and find out how to move past faking and have better sexual experiences.

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Tags: faked an orgasm, women faking orgasms, female orgasm, sexual fanatazing, womens orgasm, sexual experiences

This is the second and final installment from self pleasure for women covering all aspects of the female orgasm.

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The Physical Response in Woman on Achieving Orgasm

The female orgasm normally last much longer than that of a man. It is preceded by the erection of the clitoris and the moistening of the vagina. In is not uncommon for the woman to experience a sexual flush which is a reddening of the skin over much of the body and can be explained due to the increase of blood flow in the body.

When a woman nears orgasm the clitoral galns moves inwards under the clitoral hood and the inner lips become darker. Closer to the orgasm a woman will experience a tightening and narrowing of the vagina with the overall vagina lengthening and dilating becoming congested with engorged soft tissue. The uterus then experiences muscular contractions. In woman the feeling a total orgasm happens when her uterus, vagina, anus and pelvic muscles undergo a series of rhythmic contractions. In most women the whole overall experience is extremely pleasurable. Once the orgasm has finished the clitoris re-emerges from under the hood and returns to normal size usually within ten minutes.

Orgasm and Health

Although I couldn’t find any health studies concerning woman and orgasm research on men and the orgasm and sex as a whole showed that the physical activity requires major exertion of many bodily functions. In 1997 a study by The British Medical Journal in 918 men between the ages of 45-59 then followed up 10 years later showed that men who had fewer orgasms were twice as likely to die of any causes that those having at least two orgasms a week. In 2001 a follow up that was specifically focused on cardiovascular health found that having sex three times or more a week led to a 50% reduction in the chances of heart attack or stoke.

Achieving Orgasm

One of the main ways to achieve orgasm is by direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris. This can be achieved a number of ways such as through sexual intercourse, manual masturbation, oral sex, non penetrative sex, a sensual vibrator or an erotic electro-stimulation. An orgasm can also be achieved by stimulation of the nipples or other erogenous zones. In the absence of physical stimulation orgasm can be accomplished from physiological arousal alone.

The G-Spot is important for woman to realize an orgasm this is an internal gland called the Skene’s gland in woman.

Vaginal Orgasm

The female body can attain orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris and also from stimulation of the G-Spot. Its full name is the Grafenberg spot and is a small area behind the female pubic bone surrounding the urethra and accessible through the anterior wall of the vagina. There are certain scientists that believe only certain woman actually have a G-spot. The G-spot orgasm is sometimes referred to as “vaginal” because it results from stimulation inside the vagina, including during sexual intercourse. However please note only stimulation of the G-Spot and other inner vaginal stimulation results in a “vaginal orgasm”.

There is great debate as two whether there is a two orgasm theory that there is a vaginl orgasm and a clitoral orgasm. Many believe that the two orgasm theory is a perception put forward by men and is heavily criticised by feminist such as Ellen Ross.

Freud was the first person to put forward the concept of a purely vaginal orgasm he argued without any evidence that a clitoral orgasm was an adolescent phenomnan and upon reaching puberty the proper response of a mature woman changes to a vaginal orgasm. This theory held parlance for a long time because many women felt inadequate when they could not achieve orgasm via vaginal intercourse that involved little or no clitoral stimulation.

The belief that most people now deem right now we have a greater understanding of the female genitalia and sexual organs is that the clitoris is much larger than we ever understood before is the clitoris actually extends inside and around the body of the vagina and complicates if not invalidates the vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm. Recent anatomical research shows that there are nerves connecting intravaginal tissues and the clitoris. This link between the clitoris and the vagina is evidence that the clitoris is the “seat” of the female orgasm and is far more widespread that the visible part most people associate with the clit. It may explain why some women can realize orgasm by sexual intercourse alone as the may have more extensive clitoral tissue and nerves than other women making an orgasm from penetrative sex possible.

Anal Stimulation

The anal orgasm is often talked about but often misunderstood it can be brought on by anal stimulation such as from anal sex, an inserted finger or sex toy. Anecdotal evidence suggests that some women experience anal orgasm as qualitatively different from clitoral or “vaginal” orgasm, though for many the distinction is less clear.

In both sexes pleasure can be gained from the nerve endings around the anus and the anus itself. It is known that anal-oral contact can still be pleasurable without stimulation of the clit.

Breast and Nipple Stimulation

It is pretty self explanatory a breast orgasm describes a female orgasm that is triggered by stimulation of the breast. It is not achievable by all women when their breast are stimulated but anecdotal evidence suggest that stimulation of the breast area during sexual intercourse and foreplay, or just simply having their breast fondled creates a more intense orgasm. One study claimed that 29% of woman had at one point or other had experienced a breast orgasm. The way it is explained is that stimulation of the nipples produces the hormone oxytocin which is produced in the body during sexual excitement in all other sexual circumstances.

Multiple Orgasms

Women sometimes don’t have or have a very small period of time between when they first experience an orgasm and then the next one. These subsequent orgasms may actually be more powerful or pleasurable than the first. In some women their clitoris and nipples are very sensitive after climax thus making additional stimulation very painful. There are reports of woman having too many orgasms including a story of one woman in the UK who had them throughout the day at the merest hints of a vibration. Other techniques are analogous to reports by multi-orgasmic women indicating that they must relax and "let go" to experience multiple orgasms.

In Conclusion

The female orgasm can be achieved in several different ways depending on which of the different erogenous zones is stimulated. In many instances it may take time and patience but they can be rewarded with multiple and extremely pleasurable orgasms.

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Tags: real orgasm, womens issues, vagina, women's orgasm, orgasm