Well I know I as a woman I have faked an orgasm. I reckon at some point in our lives most of us ladies have faked an orgasm. It is now believed that it is possible as many as one in three women is unable to achieve orgasm with their partner.

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I had an email from a lovely lady Rachael who was looking for some advice on how she could attain consistent orgasms from sexual experiences with her husband. She wrote:-

“When it comes to orgasms I have to use all my acting skills. I don’t try to be a porno star and overplay my hand. All I do is clench my muscles, hold my breath and quiver, then relax and smile”.

Yeh me too! I know exactly where Rachael is coming from and I expect that most of my readers have been in this position too. Rachael charade is not unusual. I have reported on this website surveys have shown that anywhere between 48 and 72 percent of women has faked orgasms. Rachael went on to explain in her email that in every other area of her relationship she was completely transparent with her husband.

I always advocate conversation between partners is paramount to a fulfilling sexual relationship and that Rachael in her lets say “performances” has in fact been lying to her husband. Yes it maybe shocking but it is true to say to perform in this way is to be deceitful to your husband or partner.

Now it is I guess OK to fake every now and again. Call them small white lies but if you are consistently faking an orgasm then I believe there is a problem. To fake when maybe you’re tired or just want to end sex and don’t want to let the partner down doesn’t harm the relationship.

The problem is habitual faking. I know when a women fakes an orgasm she is doing it for some one else. The thing is if you turn that on its head and think about it; then as a woman you are not faking an orgasm to make yourself happy. If you are faking all you are doing is smoothing over the cracks in your sexual life. In effect by faking you are just caressing the ego of a lover into thinking they are satisfying you sexually.

The reasoning behind why we fake it maybe due to our narrow view of sexuality and that the right way to have sex must end with a screaming orgasm. It is unsurprising that we’d rather fake than strive within restrictive parameters towards such an uncertain end.

It is habitual faking that is counter productive. It is when women who are faking all the time or very frequently because they feel under pressure to please a partner or because they themselves are reaching orgasm rarely or not at all. This situation is then made even worse because these women don’t know how to say what they want to improve things sexually.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

I believe women who habitually fake are probably suffering from low sexual self-esteem and have an eroded sense of entitlement to sexual gratification. These women don’t believe they can ask their partner to help them orgasm because they would feel greedy or selfish. This is true of many women; a woman could be a strident feminist in her professional life but a lot less confident sexually. They fake and lie because they don’t feel they can ask for what they want.

It is also true to say that men may fake too. Yes I have many men also visit my website and even though a man may ejaculate he may not orgasm. Ejaculation is the functional part of sex; the propulsion of seminal fluid. The orgasm is the climactic feeling in sex.

It doesn’t matter on the gender habitual faking as opposed to occasional faking is corrosive to emotional intimacy. If the faking continues it may lead to the person who has been faking becoming resentful to their partner. They may feel bad about themselves which in turn will put strain or bring conflict to the relationship.

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Remember to visit my site next week to get the next installment on faking orgasms and find out how to move past faking and have better sexual experiences.

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Tags: sexual fanatazing, sexual experiences, female orgasm, women faking orgasms, faked an orgasm, womens orgasm

Dr. Alfred Kinsey was a noted researcher in sexual behaviour and had several books published including two books “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male” and “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female”.

In his studies Kinsey found that more men than women reported fantasizing about sex, though women were as afar from being asexual in mind as in deed. Kinsey was especially interested in fantasy during masturbation. He found that 89% of men who masturbated fantasized but only 64% of women did, and men did so much more regularly.

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I believe the figure would be much higher for women today just from my own experiences and through conversations with readers of my website. The figure will also be higher now because sexual fantasizing is considered normal and appropriate for both sexes. Plus anyone who knows me will attest that I truly believe that fantasizing is key to a healthily lifestyle and maximising the pleasure anyone can get from their own body.

To get further in to the fantasy topic it is interesting to note that although men still fantasize more during masturbation than women; there is evidence that women fantasize as much or even more than men during intercourse (I know I have had too when some uninspired man thinks he is making “sweet love” to me). I think the reason women probably fantasize more is because for most women the physical stimulation of intercourse isn’t enough t bring her to orgasm.

In today’s more sexual enlightened world writers, books and the media now even encourage women to use fantasy to enhance their sexual experiences. Many people (including some psychotherapists) presumed that women who fantasized during sex were neurotic, bored, unhappy or frustrated. The fact is E. Barbara Hariton during her studies in 1973 found no instance of emotional instability in these women. Instead they tended to be creative, nonconformist, sexually active and satisfied.

In their fantasies people of both sexes tend to imagine forbidden activities or partners but certain themes are more characteristic of one sex than of the other. Men are some what likelier than women to think about group sex, sex with a stranger, forcing women to have sex or overcoming a woman’s initial resistance. Women are somewhat likelier than men to think about romantic situations or being overpowered. Fantasies involving force by the way usually don’t include physical violence or psychological degradation and therefore should not be considered rape fantasies.

For both men and women fantasies are a way of mentally role-playing certain cultural erotic roles or of experiencing a side of oneself that they cannot or would not want to be expressed in real life. Undeniably most fantasies have little to do with reality. For example Hariton found that those women who fantasised about being dominated sexually are most often in their real lives professionally successful people.

In conclusion sexual fantasies are normal among the majority of both men and women in self pleasure and intercourse situations. It is fun and can en-heighten any sexual situation. I even sometimes find it fun and great foreplay to get a partner to talk to me about their sexual fantasises and who knows that discussion could lead to some exciting new sexual experiences that you never ever dreamed of.

As far as I am concerned I conclude –

“Just let you mind wander and then your hands”

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To keep a marriage good you have to work on it. Both of you have to be ready to keep working on the relationship. You will need lots of tender loving care to keep your relationship fresh and exciting. There is always a giving and receiving in a relationship, if both of you are willing to do that, chances are high that your marriage will survive.

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Below you find eight tips on how to make your marriage work:

1. Learn how to communicate effectively. It doesn't matter if you just got married or if it has been a long time since you two started out – this will build a strong relationship. Try to listen to your partner to be certain that you are understanding what they are telling you. Give each other your full attention when you are talking. It will help you greatly to understand them, when you are looking each other in the eyes when having a conversation. It is not enough to just listen to them. Always reveal through your behavior that you have clearly understood everything said.

2. Never assume you know how your partner feels about anything. Just because you like something don't volunteer them to do it with you. ASK! Never forget to be so thoughtful to see if they would like to do it.

3. Acknowledge when your partner does something nice. When your partner does something good, Say, I caught you! Then go ahead and tell them how much you appreciate it that they have been doing such a wonderful thing. You'll be surprised how far a little appreciation goes. Every time when you show your partner that they are making you happy, they will be doing kind things again and again to receive your recognition.

4. At least once a week do something together that you are both enjoying. Take a class together, go hiking, fishing, read poetry to each other. Look for any shared interests and keep doing them as often as possible.

5. Don't be only the partner, be the best friend. Always encourage them when they are working toward a goal they want to achieve. When necessary, provide a shoulder to cry on and be there to hold their hand when needed. Share all your dreams and reveal your goals, so you both can work together. Make sure to let them know how proud you are when the succeed in something.

6. Don't make the mistake to ignore your partner. Never be too busy with your own life that you forget the everyday niceties. Hug and kiss them daily. Don't hang out with your friends the whole weekend or watch TV. Make it a habit to spend time together with your partner each weekend, so you will have more in common to talk about and you will see that you will grow closer together.

7. It is very important that you "never go to bed angry", this might be hard sometimes, but it is vital. It will become a lot easier for your anger to come to a full boil when you let it simmer long enough. It will never be possible to solve problems by just going to bed or leaving the house to avoid them. Learn to agree to disagree if need be to keep the peace. But this is only working if you are really honest with yourself and you are sure that its ok to agree to disagree, specifically when it is a smaller problem. This helps you in not wasting time by being angry about small things.

8. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are wrong. If you are wrong, admit it. Being proud doesn't help you achieving your goals and it will not support you to a great marriage either.

Although there will be always individual differences in a relationship, living in harmony is possible. Keep doing the above mentioned things and make sure you have worked out any problem before going to bed.

Love and cherish the other. Be loving and honest to another, this will help building a strong bondage. This is how you make your marriage work.

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The Guide – How To Get My First Orgasm

Hi there I got an email from a 30 year old women who had never had an orgasm and so I wrote back to her how I would apporach the situation myself.  In our email exchange she also said that she had several friends that she thought might benefit from the reply I gave her. It led me to think that there might be many other women in the same situation so decided to post the reply here.

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I hope this reply is useful and rememeber that if you have any other questions then please feel free contact me anytime.

Dear Reader,