Well I know I as a woman I have faked an orgasm. I reckon at some point in our lives most of us ladies have faked an orgasm. It is now believed that it is possible as many as one in three women is unable to achieve orgasm with their partner.

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I had an email from a lovely lady Rachael who was looking for some advice on how she could attain consistent orgasms from sexual experiences with her husband. She wrote:-

“When it comes to orgasms I have to use all my acting skills. I don’t try to be a porno star and overplay my hand. All I do is clench my muscles, hold my breath and quiver, then relax and smile”.

Yeh me too! I know exactly where Rachael is coming from and I expect that most of my readers have been in this position too. Rachael charade is not unusual. I have reported on this website surveys have shown that anywhere between 48 and 72 percent of women has faked orgasms. Rachael went on to explain in her email that in every other area of her relationship she was completely transparent with her husband.

I always advocate conversation between partners is paramount to a fulfilling sexual relationship and that Rachael in her lets say “performances” has in fact been lying to her husband. Yes it maybe shocking but it is true to say to perform in this way is to be deceitful to your husband or partner.

Now it is I guess OK to fake every now and again. Call them small white lies but if you are consistently faking an orgasm then I believe there is a problem. To fake when maybe you’re tired or just want to end sex and don’t want to let the partner down doesn’t harm the relationship.

The problem is habitual faking. I know when a women fakes an orgasm she is doing it for some one else. The thing is if you turn that on its head and think about it; then as a woman you are not faking an orgasm to make yourself happy. If you are faking all you are doing is smoothing over the cracks in your sexual life. In effect by faking you are just caressing the ego of a lover into thinking they are satisfying you sexually.

The reasoning behind why we fake it maybe due to our narrow view of sexuality and that the right way to have sex must end with a screaming orgasm. It is unsurprising that we’d rather fake than strive within restrictive parameters towards such an uncertain end.

It is habitual faking that is counter productive. It is when women who are faking all the time or very frequently because they feel under pressure to please a partner or because they themselves are reaching orgasm rarely or not at all. This situation is then made even worse because these women don’t know how to say what they want to improve things sexually.

Why Do Women Fake Orgasms?

I believe women who habitually fake are probably suffering from low sexual self-esteem and have an eroded sense of entitlement to sexual gratification. These women don’t believe they can ask their partner to help them orgasm because they would feel greedy or selfish. This is true of many women; a woman could be a strident feminist in her professional life but a lot less confident sexually. They fake and lie because they don’t feel they can ask for what they want.

It is also true to say that men may fake too. Yes I have many men also visit my website and even though a man may ejaculate he may not orgasm. Ejaculation is the functional part of sex; the propulsion of seminal fluid. The orgasm is the climactic feeling in sex.

It doesn’t matter on the gender habitual faking as opposed to occasional faking is corrosive to emotional intimacy. If the faking continues it may lead to the person who has been faking becoming resentful to their partner. They may feel bad about themselves which in turn will put strain or bring conflict to the relationship.

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Remember to visit my site next week to get the next installment on faking orgasms and find out how to move past faking and have better sexual experiences.

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Tags: faked an orgasm, female orgasm, women faking orgasms, sexual fanatazing, sexual experiences, womens orgasm

Dr. Alfred Kinsey was a noted researcher in sexual behaviour and had several books published including two books “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male” and “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female”.

In his studies Kinsey found that more men than women reported fantasizing about sex, though women were as afar from being asexual in mind as in deed. Kinsey was especially interested in fantasy during masturbation. He found that 89% of men who masturbated fantasized but only 64% of women did, and men did so much more regularly.

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I believe the figure would be much higher for women today just from my own experiences and through conversations with readers of my website. The figure will also be higher now because sexual fantasizing is considered normal and appropriate for both sexes. Plus anyone who knows me will attest that I truly believe that fantasizing is key to a healthily lifestyle and maximising the pleasure anyone can get from their own body.

To get further in to the fantasy topic it is interesting to note that although men still fantasize more during masturbation than women; there is evidence that women fantasize as much or even more than men during intercourse (I know I have had too when some uninspired man thinks he is making “sweet love” to me). I think the reason women probably fantasize more is because for most women the physical stimulation of intercourse isn’t enough t bring her to orgasm.

In today’s more sexual enlightened world writers, books and the media now even encourage women to use fantasy to enhance their sexual experiences. Many people (including some psychotherapists) presumed that women who fantasized during sex were neurotic, bored, unhappy or frustrated. The fact is E. Barbara Hariton during her studies in 1973 found no instance of emotional instability in these women. Instead they tended to be creative, nonconformist, sexually active and satisfied.

In their fantasies people of both sexes tend to imagine forbidden activities or partners but certain themes are more characteristic of one sex than of the other. Men are some what likelier than women to think about group sex, sex with a stranger, forcing women to have sex or overcoming a woman’s initial resistance. Women are somewhat likelier than men to think about romantic situations or being overpowered. Fantasies involving force by the way usually don’t include physical violence or psychological degradation and therefore should not be considered rape fantasies.

For both men and women fantasies are a way of mentally role-playing certain cultural erotic roles or of experiencing a side of oneself that they cannot or would not want to be expressed in real life. Undeniably most fantasies have little to do with reality. For example Hariton found that those women who fantasised about being dominated sexually are most often in their real lives professionally successful people.

In conclusion sexual fantasies are normal among the majority of both men and women in self pleasure and intercourse situations. It is fun and can en-heighten any sexual situation. I even sometimes find it fun and great foreplay to get a partner to talk to me about their sexual fantasises and who knows that discussion could lead to some exciting new sexual experiences that you never ever dreamed of.

As far as I am concerned I conclude –

“Just let you mind wander and then your hands”

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